Monday Muses

What comes to mind when I envision my childhood...

"An Endless Book"

Never too many toys,

never too much noise,

always a fuss, 

cause there's never enough`

bubble baths,

homework is math,

playing in the dirt,

getting hurt,

mommy's love

fixes all,

when I fall

Not wanting to get clean,

Jack is so mean

stuffed animals,

little snacks,

kissies and hugs

Pretzels and Cookies were a favorite,

such a supply,

I didn't have to savor it

"Oh! Have you grown!"

Have I known, 

I would have treasured

the moments like those

"Mommy I want to go to bed"

she was too busy 

"Mommy can you tuck me in?"

she was on the phone

"Please?"

I toddled away 

and tucked myself in

we gave my turtle away,

bye bye 

we gave my guinea pig to the big guy in the sky,

goodbye 

"Jack hit me first!"

"It's not fair!" 

"I don't care"

"Let's play"

This is what I said.

Trips to the park,

laying in the grass,

pretending,

dreaming,

wishing

I'm a princess today

throw all my cares away,

just me and mommy

and we're here to stay,

singing songs,

chasing butterflies,

tea parties,

playing along,

play dates,

school,

coloring,

giggles,

crayons,

bows,

dresses,

trips to Grandma's,

it's all over now

take a bow

I cry,

I sigh,

I fly,

I fall,

I laugh,

I sing,

I dream,

But I know that you'll always be there for me

// my child hood felt like it would never end //

I am currently reading, "Thirteen Reasons Why" by Jay Asher. This novel is part of the banning books list and is ranked a #1 New York Times best seller and internationally. The main character in this book is Clay Jensen, a boy who, like no other, one day is received a shoe box full of tapes. In the package, there are a total of seven cassette tapes and thirteen stories. On the first tape, Hannah tells her listeners that she holds each of them responsible in some way for her death, and that the tapes will explain why. After listening, each person must give the tapes to the next person on the list. She says that if anybody fails to pass them along, a copy of the recordings will be made public. The tapes also come with a map that listeners are meant to physically follow as they listen to her story.What Clay Jensen finds out changes his life for ever.

A theme in this book is that I found is how do these tapes change Clay Jensen mentally? In the beginning of the book, when Clay receives the box with the tapes inside, he's unsure and inquiring to find out what secrets lay in these tapes. Clay only knew what happened from his perspective and other rumors, but when the real truth hits him,he realizes it was a whole other world for Hannah. Hannah Baker had to deal with all of the whispers and fibs that were being told. The narrative moves back and forth between Hannah's and Clay's thoughts and actions. This is hard to portray in a short summary, Clay's thoughts are always mixed in with Hannah's stories. While identifying all of this information and processing it, their are still missing pieces and questions to be answered. "And what about me? What did I do? How will Hannah say that I scarred her? Because I have no idea. And after people hearing about it, what are they going to think when they see me? Some of them, at least two of them, already know why I'm on here. Do they see me differently now? No. They can't. Because my name doesn't belong with theirs. I should not be on this list I'm sure of it. I did nothing wrong!" This quote shows that Clay keeps telling himself he did nothing at fault, even though deep down inside of him, he knows he has something do with her death.

In the middle of the book, I begin to realize that there is another big theme, guilt and blame. The tapes are a huge guilt trip for Hannah. She wants her listeners to feel bad about the way they treated her and to treat people better in the future. But as much as she makes other people feel guilty, she also feels plenty of it herself. She feels responsible for Jessica's rape, and for the boy who's killed after Jenny runs down a stop sign. She doesn't trust herself to do the right thing any more than she trusts the people on the tapes. Her guilt over her role in these crimes seems to drive Hannah over the edge. Another important theme I discovered is respect and partially reputation. This theme points to a controversial issue in the novel: Hannah, a clear victim of rumors, leaves behind even more rumors in her tapes. The book is filtered through Clay and Hannah, both unreliable narrators. "I hope you're ready, because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to these tapes, you're one of the reasons why. 'What? No!'..".Hannah's story begins with this harsh accusation. It really does a number on Clay, who is sure he did nothing about which he should feel guilty. 

In conclusion, I found their to be various themes in this book and I can't wait to complete this book and find out more! I really adore reading this novel, because I can't put it down. All the themes collected in this book were death, guilt, blame, choices and love. A question I wonder is if the tapes will stay between the twelve people or will they spill...